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| Has anyone reading this ever gotten a 'I..will call you later..' ? ..Doesn't it suck? Just.. sitting there, waiting for the phone call that could be everything..?
She always said I never kept my commitment.. that I never tried..
Take a look in the mirror.
I've gotten on my knees, doing everything I could to make you happy. I did everything to try and make you see me again..
If you think about it.. it makes you a hypocrite. You say you miss me, that you wish I were going to TWHS.. but you cant even acknowledge me in a room of our friends. Dont start things you wont even bother to finish.. especially something as dire as friendship..
Maybe I should just take a lesson from you and quit.. | | |
| - Sword and Shield today was better.. well sorta I keep having these.. odd dreams. Like major events in my life, only I see myself, and I hear this background music, almost like its playing the the back of my head.. weird songs, songs I used to know..
Anyway, I brought my band grade up from a 34 to a 94. Go me. I'm still grounded though because apperently I lied to my parents by forgetting that I had sectionals.. whatever. I'm free friday night so I'm good.
Cole picked me up from school today :). We went to go get my pretty ring- OHH! I havent told you all about my ring. He got me this oober gorgeous ring.. its got a small white gold band, with a large little thing on top with diamond bits in it, then a bit higher thing with like 4 diamonds in it. Its so pretty. It's a promise ring. To promise honor and trust.. faith in one another.. I wear it proudly. Anyway, I had to get it resized cause my fingers are too little and it came in and im so happy cause i never have to worry about it falling off or anything. Its perfect. Then we went to hot topic and he got this sweet lighter, and we looked at some goth clothes. We can mess around, right? actually, I wouldnt mind having like 1 goth oufit, just so when i have like a bad day i can dress to fit my mood. Then we went to a knife store cause he wants to get me a real knife to keep with me. I'm currently "holding" his first knife for him. Its beautiful. Its handle must be made of like bone or wood.. then its got paintings of bears on it, and its one of the only ones like it. We found a nice little one but they didnt have any with them. You wait for guns and knifes, so we shall wait somewhat paciently while it comes in. I think it was called a Browning, or something like that..
I called Sebastian tonight too. We didnt talk for long, but since I cant seem to remember my own age, I had to ask him about the songs that I had to hear. .the ones in my dream. He was the one that showed them to me, but when we broke up.. I blocked them out cause they reminded me so much of him it was hard to listen to it. He's doing well i suppose, hes getting his bike liscence like next weekend, so all those that drive- watch out. Anyway, I now have the songs i need, and they still sorta remind me of him.. but its good music he taught me, and so I shall listen to it without a care.
I miss Cole.. I've become so acustomed to seeing him daily, not seeing him tomarow should be weird. My parents are alright with him picking me up from school, so I might get to see him, even if its only like for the ride home. Any time with him is wonderful.. I know this is weird, but like a while a go, we had come back from something.. i think it might have been dance class-yes, we ballroom dance, GET OVER IT- heh, we're pretty damn good too. Anyway, we were home and we were watching a movie and we both fell asleep, but we were like together.. I dunno, it was so nice.. to wake up with him next to me, still there.. Only now its sort of our thing, and I find it harder and harder to go to sleep at night. I'm becoming used to sleeping next to him, even if its a nap, to where its difficult to sleep alone..
Thats all I can think to write at the moment, so I'll leave it at that.
I love you Cole.. "I see the moon, and the moon sees me, the moon sees somebody I'd like to see.."
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| hey guys..
I'm back. I figured since I'm getting back in the loop where I belong, I might as well keep up with my xanga. Lets see.. I'm dating my Colebear(hehe), Coleman Lee Ray Smith. My baby's fine for now, though we still have yet to get the treatment she needs for her hypothyriod stuffs. My families cool, brothers still a butthead, but what can I do. Meh, brush it off I guess. Only a little longer I have to live with the brat.
Today I almost got in a fight.. It sucked. Just some ugly beotch who thought she was all that. Frickin slapped me, and ooh I would have back handed her if my friends hadnt held me back. I was mad untill Cynthia reminded that there would be no future for me in ROTC, had I beat the shit out of goldylocks.
You know whats weird though? Like I have all these supposed "friends", but... I still feel so alone. How is that possible? When your like in a crowded room, but you feel completely shut away from everyone. And I'm not quite sure what it is but I feel very.. I dunno. Unclean, Ugly, how you say.. beneath them? And I know I'm not. I cant tell if its how they all have Abercrombie clothes, or how they all have their little clicks theyre already in, or.. if it is me..
Wow.. just got grounded. Whoopie. I'm failing band. I know its sad, but I seriuosly cannot stand that woman, that class, or those retarded people that call themselves "upper classman". I swear, theyre more of a fish than I have EVER been, and spending extra time with them after school makes my skin crawl. Mrs. Graftin... ooooh, I could go into detail, but for the respect of a teacher (who honestly had NO idea what shes doing), I will refrain from saying anymore. *deep breath*
And whats worse, I might not be able to see Cole.. Damn band. I frickin hate it this year, band has been ruined for me. No more next year, I'm done. | | |
| - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic FIRSTS
First best friend: Jordy!
First car: I know what I want, don’t have a license yet though
First Date: hmm.. Cole, homecoming and The Aquarium
First real kiss: Sebastian
First screen name: lol, Kittenshut
First pets: Sarah, mah BABY (kitty kat)
First piercing/tattoo: Ears
Lasts
Last Cigarette:
Last Car Ride:a little while ago, mom picked me up after school
Last kiss: a while ago
Last good cry: not goin there..
Last library book checked out: Death of a Salesman, last week
Last movie seen: The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Last beverage drank: Sprite
Last food consumed: Snickers (haha, wow I dont eat healthy)
Last crush: Cole
Last phone call: Zach, now (*rolls eyes*
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: cream colored Candy high heels
Last cd played: Sony ( i think... the one that says TRACY'S CD PLAYER)
Last item bought: bassoon reeds
Last annoyance: infinate text messages
Last disappointment: drill team
Last shirt worn: the white Forever 21 that I'm wearing now
Last website visited: xanga (this one :P)
Last im: Nick :)
Last word you said: whatever.
Last song you sang: A Box Full of Sharp Objects
What color socks are you wearing? I’m barefoot
What color of underwear are you wearing? *looks* hehe purple and pink lace
What's under your bed? Another bed, and.. probably still old drawings
What time did you wake up today? like 6 lol
FUTURE
Where do you want to go? Canada (2 see Ducky..) then Jersey (hehe)
What is your career going to be? Air Force Pilot
Where are you going to live? NOO IDEA
How many kids do you want? I really dont know.. my futur parenting skills scare me- what if I'm a bad mom???
What kind of car(s): a beat up jeep wrangler, then an F- 150
CURRENT
Current mood: mellow, a little upset
Current music: The Used, Ra- Everything She Does Is Magic
Current taste: I dunno.. weird stuffs
Current hair: Straight, Hazelnut brown with bronze highlights
Current clothes: jeens and a white tee
Current annoyance(s): pain,stupid people
Current book: Death of a Salesman, Beowolf
Current color of toenails: "Starlight" blue, its like a light blue
Current hate: me
Current Love: Cole.. (hehe, u know who you are -_^) hahaha
UNIQUE
1. Nervous Habits: running my hand through my hair, playing with the ends of my hair, fixing myself
2. Are you double jointed? in my thumbs and mah toes
3. Can you roll your tongue? No... :(
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Gha... No..
5 Can you blow spit bubble? *raises fist* HAHA YES
6. Can you cross your eyes? For a little while; too long and it hurts
7. Tattoos? heh, not yet
8. Piercings and where? peirced ears, where its normally peirced
9. Do you make your bed daily? nope, if you dont like it you can bite me
CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first? usually left
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Hah, apperently you dont know who your talkin to
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? meh, about 20
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Earings, 2 rings, 2 toe rings, a black hairband, and some sort of necklace
14. Favorite piece of clothing? hmm.. The Used shirt- or this brown one that I got from Forever 21
FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl it
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? nope- AND I NEVER WILL
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? erm.. either birthday cake, or mint chocolate chip
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? like 4
19. What's your favourite beverage? Tea and stuffs from Starbucks
20. What's your favorite restaurant? Marco's
21. Do you cook? meh, sometimes when I'm in weird moods- I make a hella mean Mac and Cheese
GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day
Hair drying method? never use a brush, dry it straight, run hands thro it
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yup
MANNERS
25. Do you swear? Hell Ya
26. Do you ever spit? When my mouth is full of dirt or something odd like that | | |
| - A Box Full of Sharp Objects -_^ (haha, soooorry Em, I love the songs you have!! its like my new bestest favorite song, I absolutely love it! So, Im gonna take ur song- hehe omg i love it)
It's our time to shine through the down
Glorified by what is ours
We've fallen in love
It was the best idea I ever had
Today I fell and felt better
Just knowing this matters
I just feel stronger and sharper
Found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing
Do you want a song of glory
Well I'm fucking screaming at you
It's our time to shine through the down
Glorified by what is ours
We've fallen in love
It was the best idea I ever had
Box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing.. | | |
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